I admit, I’ve never been what would be called fantastic shape. In my adult years, my weight fluctuated between 167 and 252, and right now it’s depressingly closer to that high than the low.

Granted, the 167 was in my early twenties, but I managed to get it back to 185 in my late thirties, but it’s been a slow, steady climb ever since. Sure, I’ve dropped it back down at times, 20 pounds at one point, but I figured that as I got older, my metabolism would slow down and the weight would be harder and harder to lose.

Apparently, I was at least partially wrong. No, the weight is still harder to get off. But your metabolism, according to a team of international researchers, doesn’t start to drop once you’ve reached adult status.

According to the report, the metabolism is – naturally – highest in infants, who burn calories about 50% faster than adults. This rate drops about 3% annually until they’re about 20 years old, when metabolism is at a plateau through mid-adulthood. At 60, the slump returns at a depressing rate of about 1% more per year until we drop dead.

I’m a little confused by the numbers here. Suppose an infant is considered one year old or younger. If your metabolic rate drops 3 to 3 percent each year until you are 20, that’s a 60 percent loss of your metabolism. Well, I know that you can grow with a slowdown in your metabolism, but by then you will be down to 40 percent. Then how are we not all oversized?

Okay, yes, a lot of us are oversized at this age. But many of us are not. Let’s say 40 percent is enough to keep you from getting fat if you eat normally and get some semblance of exercise. Do not worry! Movement cannot be anything other than a walk through the neighborhood. To calm oneself down. You don’t have to join a gym or anything.

But many of us (as we all read) use our slowed metabolism as a reason to get fat. “Oh, I’m just getting older. I still eat the same thing and do some exercise, but as you get older the old metabolism slows down. Haha. I don’t stuff my face all the time! “

To get back to those numbers, if at the age of 60 you still have 40 percent of your metabolism and it drops 1 percent a year until you drop dead, then, accidents and illnesses aside, you should be looking forward to 100 years old.

We all like to attribute our weight gain to something that is beyond our control. From the obesity of the rest of the family (I didn’t get a chance) to the inability to exercise (I work so hard and I’m so tired all the time), what we love most is to blame our metabolism. But not anymore if this research continues.

It would explain a lot. We all know the 70-year-old who has eaten and drunk whatever he wanted (and usually smoked) his entire life but was still just a few pounds above his high school weight and got along better at 70 than we did have done lives at any point in our lives.

Perhaps, for whatever reason, they hit 20 while 80 percent of their metabolism is still roaring, which means that if they stay stable until 60, by the age of 70, when they are down to 70 percent, they always are even better than we were on 20th

I know what you’re thinking. If this just happened by chance, why didn’t it happen to me. What is so special about goober head down the street?

There is nothing special about him or her. And there is nothing special or un-special about you. It’s just like that. Granted, you could eat a lot less and exercise more, but we know that won’t happen. TV, a comfortable armchair and delicious snacks call.

As I said, if this research holds up, we must come up with another excuse as to why we can no longer see our feet. I’m prone to social pressures and a bad childhood. Maybe you can think of something else.